It’s a waste of time and repeatedly frustrating because you will never achieve that goal. You will never be perfect. It’s not your fault. It’s just not possible. Instead strive to be better. Set a series of achievable steps. That will reward you with an ongoing stream of successes. They might only be small successes but even a small success is better than failure after failure.
Some say that Edison failed ten thousand times before he invented the light bulb. My guess is that he viewed each experiment a success because he eliminated another false possibility.
Success encourages your confidence. Small successes generate the desire to reach out again and be better.
Real life is not a report card. It’s not about getting A or 100 percent because those yardsticks are not measures of real success. That’s just school stuff.
Instead of chasing perfection, chase one small success after another. That’s more practical and rewarding.
I know many successful people but no one that’s perfect. Successful people get comfortable with imperfection. They focus on success.
How did you respond? Did you state your name? Did you say that you are with the bride’s side of the family? Did you state that you knew the deceased in high school? Did you mumble that you are the child, spouse, parent, or cousin of some one else?
Did you respond with your title? President, manager, or janitor?
Did you respond with a description of your work? Are you a business owner, company executive, accountant, sales rep, mechanic, truck driver, factory worker, nurse, lawyer, clerk, cook, reporter, editor, real estate agent,
Who are you really?
How many times have you asked yourself that question?
Are you an individual or are you only defined in relationship to someone or something else?
We are Borg. That’s one way to answer. Perhaps it’s not about you, It’s about your community.
None of us are one thing. We are individuals living in a complex world. We have many sets of relationships.
Are we defined by relationships?
Are we defined by tribes?
Are we defined by roles?
Are we defined by current, past or future work?
Are we defined by our dreams and hopes?
Are we defined by our pain, mistakes and failures?
Are we defined by our beliefs, opinions and dreams?
Perhaps you’ve seen the TV shows or movies where a police negotiator convinces a frantic person to “come back off the ledge” of a skyscraper. “Take my hand. Don’t jump. You have so much to live for.”
Now imagine that you are that negotiator striving to bring a depressed person back off the ledge.
What would you say to the person who justifies their planned suicide with:
“I can’t find a job. Nobody wants to hire me.”
“My wife left me. I thought we would be in love forever.”
‘I hate my parents. They don’t understand me.”
“I ran out of money. I can’t pay the bank.”
“Cancer. Why me? Why suffer any longer?”
“The love of my life died. I’m alone without him.”
“I’m a loser and nobody cares.”
“Everyone is against me.”
You have the opportunity to save this person and bring them back off the ledge. Say the wrong thing and watch them dive to their death.
What would you say?
I suggest that you think about these scenarios and plan your plea. Why? Because you might save a friend some day and you might save yourself.
Add your own “ledge crisis” to this list and search for the answer because maybe the jumper you need to reach is yourself.
Be ready to motivate yourself with the “come back off the ledge” speech.
I rode my motorcycle to Port Dover. I’ve been there many times throughout my life but it was my first trip by motorcycle.
I mapped out a route that would avoid the logical roads that I would take by car. I wanted to get away from the traffic.
Of course it took me much longer – almost two hours. I stopped a few times to check my maps. I took a wrong turn and had to back track.
When I arrived I toured the town then stopped for lunch. Munched a burger and fries at the Port Dover landmark “The Arbor” then strolled around.
My visit to Port Dover lasted about 45 minutes then I headed back on the same route. Total time out was about 4 hr 30 min.
Later when I related my journey to a friend he laughed about the curious time imbalance. That’s when I realized that it was never about the destination. That was just a goal of convenience. It was the journey that thrilled me.
It’s not that setting and chasing goals is bad. Maybe it’s a Maslov hierarchy thing where achieving goals meets one level of need and enjoying the journey is a different level.
Maybe…
Or it just might be the musings of a middle aged guy too infatuated with his motorcycle.
I love to ski. So you can imagine my ecstasy over my first day of the season on the slopes. It was wonderful as I rediscovered my skiing skills which had been dormant for 10 months.
My friend and skiing buddy, Wayne, was equally excited about our first day of skiing.
However, while we rode a chairlift up the hill we felt the biting wind which was especially chilling on our faces.
My inner voice was thinking, “Damm that’s cold. Maybe we should quit early”. Apparently Wayne was thinking the same thing. That makes two voices screaming “quit”.
Sounds like an easy decision.
No, because another voice was saying, “You came here to ski. It’s too early to quit.”
What could we do?
We skied to another slope facing a different direction. It was less windy. We waited a few minutes at the bottom of the hill to warm up. Then we rode this chair up the hill. It was less windy and all of our voices were singing in harmony – “Let’s go skiing”.
We changed our position, took a brief break and encourage each other to continue skiing.
No challenge or pain is permanent. It might feel devastating at the time. Take a break.
Change your position, perspective or approach and the pain becomes history.
A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.
Muhammad Ali
A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he’ll never crow. I have seen the light and I’m crowing.
Muhammad Ali
Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.
Muhammad Ali
At home I am a nice guy: but I don’t want the world to know. Humble people, I’ve found, don’t get very far.
Muhammad Ali
Boxing is a lot of white men watching two black men beat each other up.
Muhammad Ali
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
Muhammad Ali
Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life.
Muhammad Ali
Friendship… is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.
Muhammad Ali
Hating people because of their color is wrong. And it doesn’t matter which color does the hating. It’s just plain wrong.
Muhammad Ali
He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.
Muhammad Ali
I am the astronaut of boxing. Joe Louis and Dempsey were just jet pilots. I’m in a world of my own.
Muhammad Ali
I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.
Muhammad Ali
I figure I’ll be champ for about ten years and then I’ll let my brother take over – like the Kennedys down in Washington.
Muhammad Ali
I figured that if I said it enough, I would convince the world that I really was the greatest.
Muhammad Ali
I hated every minute of training, but I said, “Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”
Muhammad Ali
I know I got it made while the masses of black people are catchin’ hell, but as long as they ain’t free, I ain’t free.
Muhammad Ali
I know where I’m going and I know the truth, and I don’t have to be what you want me to be. I’m free to be what I want.
Muhammad Ali
I never thought of losing, but now that it’ s happened, the only thing is to do it right. That’s my obligation to all the people who believe in me. We all have to take defeats in life.
Muhammad Ali
I wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world.
Muhammad Ali
You don’t, so stop wishing for it. Use the time you have to do the things that you want to do.
Another few seconds just expired. What are you going to do with the next few seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months or years?
Time will pass no matter what you do. If you are unwilling to invest your time – the time will pass anyways and you still won’t have your result. If you invest your time you will get something back in return.
It’s your time. You don’t always get to choose how you will use it – so when you do – use your time wisely.
That is a a question that I have asked often. Of myself, of the hundreds of guests that I have interviewed on my weekly radio show, Business in Motion and of the universe.
This is what I have learned about the secret to success.
Success comes from doing little things, consistently well, over time.
There are three important parts to that formula:
Little Things
It’s the little things that make or break you. It’s not about the lucky break or the big idea.
Consistently Well
You don’t need to be perfect or give 100%. And let’s be realistic, 110% is mathematically imposssible. You only need to be consistently well – as compared to the competition.
Over Time
This is likely the part that defeats most people. It’s not about having a good day. It’s about doing it every day for a long time. How long? Until you get where you want to be. Many overnight successes took many years.
When I started my radio show over 14 years ago – I noticed that I felt very inadequate in the presence of some of my guests. I aimed high in the quality of my guests yet felt inferior to them. Mike De Groote was one who was quite gracious yet I made myself feel less than him. After all he was a billionaire – I was nobody. I sweated while interviewing him. Yet he was so down to earth.
The first author that I interviewed was Nuala Beck, (Shifting Gears). Again she was gracious – yet I felt small.
It took a friend of mine to point this out to me. After he listened to a tape of this interview he said, “George, you usually sound more confident.”
That woke me up and made me examine what I had been doing to myself.
After a talk with myself I came to the realization that the only way for me to approach it was to consider all my guests as equals. I was equal to them.
Not equal in net wealth – but simply equal. They were very good at what they did and so was I. So we could have a conversation as equals.
Funny how strange I felt when another billionaire expressed how impressed he was by me because I was an author. He wasn’t an author – just a billionaire.
After that epithany – my interviews became much more comfortable, natural and interesting.
I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s so I love rock and roll. It moves me, grabs me and touches my soul.
I appreciate the depth of classical music.
I find jazz a welcome refreshment.
But there is one distinctive sound that always catches my ear and lifts me no matter what genre of music. That is the sound of a trombone.
I played the trombone in the high school band. There were better trombone players that me. Sometimes the music teacher centered me out to play a solo or replay a misplayed part. That opportunity to solo was a mixed blessing because I was excited to play the solo and anxious about making a mistake.
Even when I messed up and felt embarrassed – I still enjoyed playing the trombone.
When you are feeling good almost any music that you like will feel good.
But when you are down – only the music that you love will lift you.
On your playlist add a directory for “Make me feel good”. That’s the songs that change you from down to up.
Play them as often as you like and need to hear them.
Trying is often an excuse for failing. How many times have you heard a reluctant person say “We will try” or “At least we tried”.
They usually hang their head in doubt or shame.
You might know the line from Yoda in Star Wars, “Do or do not – there is no try.”
You might enjoy this anecdote from my friend.
————————–
At our tai chi class, I heard our instructor use a little verbal
trick that you might be able to use.
Instructor: I want you to hold your hands like this.
Student: I’ll try.
Instructor: No, don’t try.
Student: I shouldn’t try?
Instructor: You should not try. “Try” means “lie.” Don’t try to do it.
Simply do it.
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Where are the responsible people when we need them? Could you be one? More of us need to ask this question of ourselves more often, “What am I responsible for?”
This question is not about laying blame. It is a question about accepting ownership of your thoughts and action. You control your thoughts and that determines your actions.
None of us can change what happened yesterday. We only control how we think now and how that might influence our future. We can’t control the future. We can only influence it. Even billionaire Jim Ballsillie can’t control what happens to his dream of a hockey franchise. However he can control how he reacts to the obstacles thrown in his path. The bigger the obstacles the more responsibility he seems to accept.
I believe that successful people are successful because they accept more responsibility than others. Successful people don’t waste time and effort blaming others. In a weak moment they might lament about a particular hardship – but they don’t stay there long. We are all human and subject to human frailties. The challenge and reward is to face and accept our own responsibilities.
You don’t need to be rich to take responsibility for your thoughts. Both Gandhi and Mother Teresa demonstrated this principle and they certainly were successful.
Too much of our society is positioned around blame. Unions blame management. Management blames unions. Executives blame the economy. Voters blame the politicians. Politicians blame bureaucrats and other politicians. Bureaucrats blame the politicians and the public. Have you noticed that our elections seem be more about blame than about responsibility. It seems that no one rushes to accept responsibility.
Why are so many people screaming, “It’s not my fault.”?
Three youths trashed several cars at a north Hamilton service centre. Two of the youths could not be charged because they were under age – not their fault. One of the parents asked police to “lock my kid up” – not my fault. The other parents seemed to be silent on their obligation – not my fault.
That business owner can easily argue that he was the damaged party. And yes he was. But I read that the youths entered the compound through a hole in the fence. And that the keys to all the cars were in the cars. My questions are: How long did they ignore the hole in the fence? And what have they done to prevent this incident from happening again? Why didn’t they do that sooner? What will they do to prevent this from happening again?
The issue of accepting responsibility is not about accepting or laying blame It is about considering the possibilities and what you can do to work that in your favour. Sometimes the responsible thing is simply to learn the lesson from the hardship.
The restaurant hostess led us to a table that had obliviously just been wiped. She placed our menus on the wet table, then stated, “The table is wet.” as if it wasn’t her fault or responsibility. I picked up a napkin and started to wipe the table. Following my example she did the same and wiped half of the table. After she walked away, I wiped the rest of the table dry. Not her fault and clearly not her responsibility.
The parties in Caledonia seem to blame their actions on others. They claim that it’s not their fault. Someone else did something 15 minutes or 100 years ago.
Life for all of us isn’t fair. Stuff happens. It’s your choice. Where do you want to live – in the past with blame or in the now with responsibility and future with success?
Stop blaming. Start taking more responsibility for how you think and what you do. It can be a scary concept and a big step to a more successful future for you.
George Torok is a motivational business speaker. He has hosted the local radio show, Business in Motion on 93.3 CFMU for the past 14 years. Visit his website at www.Torok.com
“I like, and have adopted Mr. Branch Rickey’s way of looking at things. He was an old accomplished baseball executive. History knows him best for breaking the colour barrier for Jackie Robinson, in 1952. He said, “Luck is the residue of design”. Here’s the full quote.
“Things worthwhile generally don’t just happen. Luck is a fact, but should not be a factor. Good luck is what is left over after intelligence and effort have combined at their best. Negligence or indifference are usually reviewed from an unlucky seat. The law of cause and effect and causality both work the same with inexorable exactitudes. Luck is the residue of design.”
I totally agree with you and old man Rickey. We’re all lucky if WE choose!! It’s true, we make our own luck. Attitude plays a major role. I’ve worked hard to be where I am, and with out the work, luck wouldn’t matter much.
Take care,
Tom”
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Enjoy this insight from my good friend Tom on the topic of luck.
Leadership Quotations Compiled for you by George Torok
One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven’t and don’t. George Bernard Shaw, “The Apple Cart” (1930), act I
All great truths begin as blasphemies. George Bernard Shaw, Annajanska (1919)
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. George Bernard Shaw, Caesar and Cleopatra (1901)
The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided. Casey Stengel (1890 – 1975)
Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other. John F. Kennedy (1917 – 1963), speech prepared for delivery in Dallas the day of his assassination, November 22, 1963
When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative. Martin Luther King Jr. (1929 – 1968)
Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else. Judy Garland (1922 – 1969), to her daughter, Liza Minelli
Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed. Maria Montessori (1870 – 1952)
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear. Mark Twain
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. George Bernard Shaw
A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn’t like the tune. Anon.
Watch this 15 minute video to learn the forgotten lesson on how to motivate others. I gurantee this video will make you smile. Watch it and put a smile on someone else’s face. Validate them.
Luck is more a matter of perspective than it is the roll of the dice.
If luck is a matter of random chance then mathematically every one of us is equally lucky. Whether you think you are lucky or not is irrelevant. The real question is how lucky do you feel. Because, how you feel, will determine your actions and outcome.
Consider the passengers of the plane that crash landed in the Hudson River – were they lucky? You can imagine that there were moments during that scary nightmare that they cursed their luck. Yet upon the perspective of reflection they considered themselves extremely lucky. If you are afraid of flying you might consider yourself lucky for not being on that plane.
We are all lucky. It just depends on how we see it.
Everyone needs to re-motivate themself from time to time. That’s normal. Here are three simple techniques that can help you feel more motivated.
1. Read or listen to motivational stories about others who have accomplished great things. These lessons are best taken from simple folks who struggled and achieved something great. They can be from any field – sports, business, politics, medicine, science, community service, etc..
2. Associate with people who are motivated and tend to motivate you. If that doesn’t describe anyone in your current circle of friends – find new friends fast.
3. Make it your job to motivate others. The satisfaction from motivating others can be a powerful self motivator. Just ask Mother Teresa.
While speaking to a high school business class this week I was surprised by this question, “If you work all your life on something and still fail – was it worth it?”
I responded quickly to this question, “Yes.”
I did not clairify my answer at that time. I have since thought about the question and my answer.
I believe that if a person works on a direction all their life that they will be successful. They might not achieve 100% success. But they will be successful in moving towards that goal. For example, a person might work to cure cancer and never reach that during their lifetime. Was their life a success? Yes. Because of the movement they would have made in that direction. Some goals take more than one lifetime to achieve. And the success would never happen without someone dedicating their life to moving things forward.
Have you noticed how motivated you can be when you have a deadline?
Why is that?. A deadline indicates a recognized shortage of time. A stated shortage of time reminds us that we only have a limited amount of time. If you tell someone, “Take all the time that you want.” They won’t be highly motivated to tackle the obstacle. If you have forever to do something – why do it now?
My neighbour is dieing from cancer. He seems to be fading quickly. Considering how active and spry he had been it is upsetting to witness how frail he now looks.
He has a deadline – as do those around him. The end date is not known for sure but it is clearly measured in months and not year. It’s interesting to note the many visitors that have stopped by in the past couple months. It good to see them visit. I guess they only needed to be motivated.
What would you do if you thought that you were running out of time?
"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You don't blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the President. You realize that you control your own destiny."
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